My saddest song.

In my life time, I've seen a lot of good and bad things. While I can appreciate my life isn't the worst, it's been the hardest in this last year.  If I were to tell you all the bad things that have happened in the last 12 months alone, it would sound like a really sad song,  but friends, I know all the words by heart.  It comes as a dull ache on nights like these.  I'm sitting here taking sips of coffee at 2 a.m., wondering why and I can't sleep and just thinking how nice it'd be to have a visit with a friend.  Who, besides me, is awake in the world?  Then I remembered my blog.  Maybe if I put words to paper, I'll sleep better.  Maybe not.  But I felt like trying...

In the last year, I've had a grandparent die, an old room-mate die(within 1 week of each other), my child had emergency surgery, twice(within 1 week of each), my sister moved across the world,  a family member was diagnosed with cancer, my father had a series of health issues (including melanoma) and a dear friend and her family were in a tragic accident.  All where so painful in there own precise way.  All of that happened within 6 months of each other.  Truth be told, I think I haven't processed much.  Sometimes I try to sort through the wreckage on nights like these.  But sometimes it feels too fresh and too heart breaking and too much.

Sometimes one thing hurts more than another.  And it's not always what you'd think.  It's not always what I'D think.  In the past, I remember looking at peoples situations and saying, I don't know how they do it, I could never...but during one of my worst days I had a good friend text me.  And what she sent stuck with me.  It was a picture and it said, "You never know how strong you are, until you have to be".   And that's the truth of it all.  We get thrown these awful situations in life and what's remarkable is, we survive.  Sometimes, afterwards, it hurts so much it takes your breath away(literally), but we survive.  It's really remarkable if you actually think about it.  I heard it said just yesterday, "sometimes surviving the day is a miracle." I know that to be true.

Now it's looking like the dust has settled in my world.  At least to outsiders. But I know it to be different.  We.re picking up shattered pieces and trying to make sense of it all (one paint project at a time😏)  I wonder why things can't be spaced out a little farther apart.  I wonder if that'd would make a difference. I wonder if  I feel like this, who else is in the exact same boat.  I wonder if I should pour another coffee...😬

Did you hear my sad song? I told you.  Now with all that being said, I want you to know , , all said and done, my life isn't all bad.  And I'm not always up all night thinking about the bad.  Sometimes I on-line shop. ...😏