perfect to me.

How am I doing?  We all know that's been a loaded question for me these days.  And when you do ask, I probably wont ever give you a straight answer or a real answer. But right now in this very moment. I'm ok.  Ok on my level means, I didn't sleep and I woke with a migraine and I'm broke and I'm tired.. But emotionally I'm ok.  Haha, I'm ok as I can get.  Hey I'm washing curtains, when two weeks ago couldn't lift my arms above my head.  I'm doing pretty good.  Its a good thing my parents raised me with a sense of humor.  It really is.  Its a gift I'll be forever grateful for.

I kinda wanted to wrap up that last of all this wedding saga.  The last and final dance.  It happened this last Saturday.  I'd like to say it went off without a hitch but that's not exactly true.  We couldn't get the music to play and when we finally did it got shut down after a couple SHORT hours.  Much to my dear friends disgust.  And rightly so, as she put many hours into arranging, sorting, and choosing hours worth of music.  But My friends, It was so perfect, to me.

The people I have in my life that I had to let step in and take over when I just couldn't- well, they went above and beyond to make sure that dance was perfect.  they took Ginny's beach theme and ran with it.  Incredible.  It was pinteresters dream and night to compare to no other.  At least for me.  And those few short hours of music- I danced.  No I haven't got the moves like Jagger (ugh, did I really just make that joke?  I think my dad just made that joke last week.  See!  Humor- I didn't say witty humor- c-mon)  But does it really matter when you just want to enjoy?  Nah, not to me.  And my best girls were there, Most of em anyhow. The girls that hosted that night don't know it- but that's the most fun I've had in a long while and they can never understand what that could mean for me.

Anyway-  The bride looked fantastic- as did the building.  Hopefully a few days from now or months- all the hard work my friend put in- they'll see the night exactly how I did...


The ladies who made the evening happen

 

 

Groom and Bride

 

 

 

 

wedding daze.

Amidst my life, I have my great moment.  And that's because I have some really great people in my life.  So like I've told you before, I was able to be in a wedding that took place in my hometown.  The double whammy!  Home! and a wedding! 

I knew once my feet hit that New Brunswick sand, my heart would be faster, my pace would be quicker and my smile bigger.  I was always a treat.  It was so nice to see all those familiar faces.  Being home is a comfort I've tried to explain to you, but the truth of the matter is, words don't do home justice.  They just don't.

And the wedding?  went off without a hitch.  Lots of hard work went into that wedding, but in the end it was such a GREAT day.  Our Bride and Groom were the happiest, and on that day, that's all that matters, right?

Well I thought I'd share some pictures with you... Enjoy!

The process of correcting..

I've always had grand ideas for this blog.  My biggest mistake has been telling you about them, promising them and not delivering.  not that I think necessarily your holding your Breathe for me.. But maybe ...???

But to be honest my friends, my summer has been hard thus far.  And my year has felt unbearable.  I've struggled back in forth on whether to share with you or not.  But as of late, it's felt a little freeing to let people in on my life.

I don't have anything life or death wrong.  My family is in tact and I love them all like no one else.  But I,m sad.  I hurt on the inside.  My life has felt like its spinning out of control and the only person who can see it is me.  And I,m completely helpless to stop it. Or at least I was.

My Doctor Says I'm not that abnormal... So that's good hey? And I,m in the long process of correcting it. And this is not a cry for help because trust me, I'm being well taken care of.  I jut thought I'd share, so maybe it didn't seem so scary to me.

I don't know if you can relate or not, but its hard days. And sometimes there seems to be no good light.  But on the better days I can see the kindness I've been shown.  Because in the last month I have done my share of crying on my friends couches, and not making sense I'm sure. I'd be holding on to the coffee coup as tight as I could because it's the only solid thing on my whole person.  I felt so desperate to feel better and to convey exactly now I felt.  And with every sip of my coffee, realizing my hurt wasn't going  anywhere  on its own.

When I finally came to a certain peace, I could see how depression makes you a selfish person, but at the same time, not having the power to stop it.  Because you so badly need what ever your friends will give you.  You want to grab their life line and keep a float until the next person comes along for relief ...

My only hope for my friends is that they know this is not the person my heart knows me to be.  That they will hold on to me until I'm well again.  And one day I can pull them off the ground and return the life line I'm so desperately clinging to.

So today is a better day for me.  The simple fact that I can take time for this, proves to myself I'm feeling a little more like me.  I'll take that... Because I kinda have to...