write it down and send it to you

Dear Sparky,

Hey I've missed you.  I've been doing a lot of worrying lately and its exhausting.  Tyring to keep up with my life is hectic and I'm tired.  I haven't had time to talk to you lately and I think Its about time I do.  I've missed you...

I cant say that I have a lot going on with me.  Well nothing that time cant fix but I have spent a lot of wasted time worrying mostly about things out of my control.

For a start.. I thinking being a mom in this world has gotten harder.  I don't care that we have come along way with the way of raising these babies.  I feel like I get so caught up with the online world and comparing notes that it makes my head spin.  Who cares about too much sugar and starting early  potty train.  So what sponge bob square pants isn't educational.  I just want to raise this baby in peace.  Why is it so hard to let myself do that?  PS-  I like sponge bob too, i mean who doesn't, right?

I worry about my friends and the decisions they are making.  For I some, I'm frustrated that their days have to be so hard,  That sleeping at night is not possible.  That they need tomorrow to be better so desperately but the clock doesn't move fast enough for them.  For others, I think they have lost sight of whats really important.  They drifted so far  and I'm not sure they want any help. 

 I worry what the next 10 years will bring our family.  Everything is so unpredictable.  I pray we are raising Gracie to have the knowledge and the guts to do what she knows to be right.  I'm scared to have a teenager.  No.  I'm terrified.  I make Graces eyes light up when I come home.  I wonder when that will stop.  I wish it didn't have to.

 All this stuff is crazy to worry about, after all there is nothing I can do, not really.  I feel better just writing it down and sending it to you. Thanks for that.

Don't forget about our wine date tomorrow.  Remind me, so I won't.  I got lots on my mind, ;)  Come see me soon maybe.  It just might do us both good!

Love,

Tousin

Its hardly what you think..

I got to spend the last couple weeks with an old, Really Great, Friend.  It was so nice to catch up,  but most importantly, reminded of who I got in my corner.  Distance sometimes makes you forget, hey?   We cannot get together without talking about the good old days.  You know how it goes.  If you have a good friend, you will inevitably end up reminiscing.  Its one of those great things about old friends.  Its those stories that get us through bad days, even bad years.

And when we are together we always talk of what would of been had we not taken such different roads.  I think that's only natural.  I think.  But when it comes right down to it, her choices in life weren't that dissimilar to mine, just farther away.  We both got married and had our babies.  We both choose that, where our sisters choose something altogether different.  I think that kept Her and I connected.  At least that was part of it.

When we were 15 years old and talking about our future, I don't think either of us could of guessed where we would be now.  And its probably for the better.  Probably none of our lives, yours or mine, turned out like we imagined.  I'm so grateful for that.  I think you have to be.  The  people who plan out their lives and really follow through- well that's impressive.  Good for them.  I say that without sarcasm...well mostly. Haha.  But for those of us who had a plan but veered off at some point, well that's kinda brave too Inst it?  I mean we didn't know what to expect.  We changed our minds.  We were brave enough to follow our hearts. Or scared enough.  I don't know which.  I'm not saying one is necessarily better than the other, but I think we gotta accept what we choose- either way.  We can spend days wishing we made some different choices.  But we ended up where we are.  Good or bad.  And if its good, carry on.  If Its bad, dust yourself off and carry on.  At least do your best.  And remember who's in your corner.

My friend reminded me of that.  Now we have these beautiful Kids, every decision we  made to this point-  gave us these babies. And all our memories we made got us to this point too.  Thank goodness for that.