Giveme a break...

Our vacation that seemed to take forever to get here, seems to be over.  I'm such a home body.  Unless I can be by a palm tree.  Palm trees vitto all.   Everything that lead up to this trip seemed to leave little time for anticipation.  My thoughts were all consumed by the day to day that it was so hard to even remember that something good was just ahead of us.

I believe it took being away from our day to day, to see our little situation in life for what it really is...

Thank you for time away and moments to breath or I'd be none the wiser.  I would take no time to figure whats going on in my head and I would get sicker day by day.  As many of you may know, I've headed back to the neurologist to get a grip on these migraines of mine.  They seemed to have spun out of control in the last few months and left me drained.  Combine that with the stress of our ever changing lives, I felt like I could hardly breathe some days,

I barely, just barely, could look forward to this family vacation of ours.  and as much as you know I love to vent, I'll save you the most of it.  WhatI needed, was a break.  With broken cars and broken hearts, empty pockets and sleepless nights, Everything good in our life seemed grey to say the least.   The more things that I cant control in my life, the harder it is to just be happy.  The life I want to live with my family is ruined but the crumby moods and exhausted mind.  I had no idea just ow tired we, as a family really were.

You know that feeling when your through security at the airport-  no one forgot their passports,  No one missed their flight,  No one has to work- you made it.   Breath already.  I live for that exact moment. Well, that, and when that humid air hits my face.

When I see the smile on my baby's face when she met Buzz, the kiss she stole from him.  When her feet hit the pool, when I see her tan lines and sun kissed cheeks, Whats really important to me becomes so much clearer.  And its such a relief.  I can let go of a few things that I didn't even know I was holding on to. 

I can write and write about how my life is or how I;d like it to be, but when your low and sick and tired- its all just garbage.  And I think everyone needs time away from broken friendships and hearts, eyes that need fixing or heads that need relief.  At least it makes me a little more like the person I am trying to be for my little family.

Something I've recently figured out is that I cant do it all.  Even if I want to.  I have to say no to things that I cant fit into my life.   Even if I don't want to.  Thank goodness for a little break.

I wanted to share some of our best moments in the last couple weeks-- ENJOY!  We sure did...

  

Waiting...

So remember how on my last post things were looking pretty good, especially with Graces eyes? Hm.  Things have changed.  Pretty much right after surgery she developed another lump.  We had to take her back to the specialist.  But the Dr. said we should wait a little while longer to see how it develops.  Well we booked an appointment for April and away we went.  A couple weeks later (today) her lump got bigger and redder and completely changed.  So I am taking her in tomorrow to see if its infected or what.  We leave for Florida on Saturday, so I was starting to get panicky over the whole situation.  It seems we have bee waiting and waiting for this eye situation to settle down, but its not happening.  At least not today.

So that's the update on that.

We have been really looking forward to our vacation and I feel like we are ready to just escape the real life for a few good days.  Its been so nice to have something ahead of us that's a relief.  Plus all this snow. BLAH.  When is summer again? 

I have no idea if I'll ever get back on track again with this blogging stuff.  It seems like just one more thing that I cant catchup to.  But we'll see.  Maybe in 2 weeks from now Ill post some happy pictures from our trip.  Something to look forward to!

For now, I'll post thepics of her sugery, on Jan 4.  I tried to last time but, blogger wouldnt let me!

relief in recovery

So I haven't been around here in awhile.  Part of me wanted to just delete my blog and leave it at that. I've been Debbie downer for so long, and I hated that.  But As of January 4th my little family and I have felt relief for the first time in quite a while.


Gracie surgery is done and over.  She was so brave and seems to still really love doctors, which I do believe was our saving grace in the first place.  Grace thinks Drs. can do no wrong.  So she was a Big Girl and let them put her under with the IV.  My heart broke, as it always does, when she got really scared as the drugs pumped into her veins.  Her eyes welled up and she reached for me.  and Then that was it it.  I was escorted out, a sobbing mess.  But!!  20 minutes later, I had my baby girl back in my arms.  Such a good girl!

I just want to say to all my family and friends-  We needed you and truly appreciate that we had you.  Thanks for the Get well cards, and Presents and Meals.  Its exactly what we needed to make this experience as easy as possible.  We are now on the road to recovery, and we couldn't be more relieved.

We now have time to look forward to the things ahead.  We have a very busy year coming up, and I cant wait...

First, in February, we are headed to Florida for a couple weeks.  And we get to go not worrying about eyes this time..  I can just barely wait.. but just barely save up the money. Haha, Our car broke down.. actually we lost our breaks trying to stop at a read light on baseline.  Fun times.  But no one was hurt.. and that's something all in itself, isn't it?

Did I tell you I'm maid of honor in My BFF's wedding in May.. IN THE MARITIMES??  So with that responsibility comes showers and engagement parties and dresses and trips and flowers.. and the list goes on!  I should be stressed, I think, But I'm feeling pretty good about it.  Looking forward to going home to see my family, too.

Anyways, so relieved to have a happy post!  Hope everyone is all rested up from their vacation days and hopefully, I'll be back at this again really soon!