Cupcake kisses

dont know why i cant get it upright

Well, as most of you likely already know, Grace did really, really well for her surgery.  No complications, no delays, In and out, so to speak.  Releif is such a sweet feeling, wouldn't you agree.  She was quite moody afterwards, but I can't say I would of been any less grumpy.  She had a big patch over her eye and a bruised cheek, just enough to break your heart.  The only alarming thing for me post op was when her nose started to bleed.  Besides wanting to pass out, I almost paniced.  But as we say, Panic slowly, right?  Well that was really nothing.  Relief. Again.  I wish I could say I was able to pull myself together for Grace, but I was a pretty awful mom.  I came down with a migraine, that had me throwing up(sorry) in the bathroom at the hospital. YAY!  But i did make myself be with her while she was put under.  Gut wrenching?  You don't know the half of it.  And if you do, my heart goes out to you).  And if you don't. well, I hope you never do.  Anyway... We made it through, so thanks so much for all your thoughts, kind words and especially the prayers.

And It got me thinking... We really do have to enjoy the smallest of things in life, don't we?  And I mean small.  I know this one sweet lady, who, everytime you go to her house she makes homemade biscuits.  Delicious right?  But She really goes beyond that.  She puts out small bowls of Jam with tiny little serving spoons.  Sweet, right?  Better than that?  She lines her biscuit baskets with cloth napkins. Sigh.  Its the small things.

Today we had a friend bring Grace over One Beautiful cupcake.  It was so cute, and even more Delicious.  One single cupcake.  How great is that?  Maybe not huge to you, but Grace loved it(and we enjoyed her left overs, as mangled as they were)

Then later today, I asked Grace for a kiss.  She usually holds out her cheek, or on a bad day, slaps you.(I know, I know)  Today?  She grabbed my face with BOTH HANDS and gave me the sweetest kiss I have ever had.  I'm hoping for a million more of those.  So small, but made this week do-able.

Anyway, thats that.  The bad is over with for now.  And we got lots of things to be thankful for this week.  Hopefully that will be enough....

I'm goin' back to the start

Today I got to head out for an acupuncture appointment.  I say "get to " like its some sorta treat.  In some weird way, it really is.  It hurt so bad today.  SO BAD.  I wanted to scream or cry, or both.  (the lady beside me did)  On the drive to my appointment, I tried the singing like I'm a rock star thing, but, I wasn't feeling it.  Just sadness.  SAD, right?  C'mon me, pull yourself outta this.  And then I thought "I want to go home."  Then a few hours later, I get a call from Stollery setting up the exact time for Grace's surgery.  I hung up the phone and cried,  for the first time since this all went down.  And then I thought," I want to go home"

My family, aka, Mom and Dad and Sister, all live her now, so by "home" I mean the Maritimes.  I've learned, over time, that being in areas that I have seen my whole life, with people I have seen my whole life, comforts me.  Grace Has her soother, and I have "home".  Isn't there something in the fact that we go back to where we started when things get a little scary?  Is it just me?  I gotta think, I'm not all that uncommon.  Going back to where you started just seems to help me get my footing again.  And the physical distance it puts between me and my life, well, I call that breathing room.

So, Yes, I want to go home.  The Pevlins, and their kids, are all back in the Maritimes.  They are  my second parents (or who I so affectionately call my foster parents) And they  are where I crash land while I'm home. Pevlins were my next door neighbours when I was born, and from what mom tells me, Shirley potty trained me, because I wanted to keep up with Stephanie.  At least 4 days of the week I was at their home.  Any given day.  They let their home, be my home.  I  could dig in their fridge, sleep over on school nights, and hey, I even had my own laundry pile.  Their place was the ONE place I could go and never feel homesick.  Looking back, I'm pretty grateful to of had them.  Hopefully Gracie will have some people like that in her life one day.

I don't know that I will be able to go home, especially before Grace turns 2 and we have to buy her ticket.  When there's time, there's no money.  When there's money, there's no time, ya know?  But I will keep my eyes open and watch for good sales on seats.

This month has been awful.  These next few days will be worse.  Maybe when Its all said and done, this constant lump in my throat will go away, along with the anxiousness in my belly.  But, I'll still want to come home.  Pevlins, I miss you, and  really hope your new place has a room for me!  

Its not always about me.

I have been scurrying around lately, but in no apparent direction.  Start on one job, then on to the next.  Get to one appointment, then on to the next.  Make one phone call, then on to the next.  You can see what I mean?

I haven't wanted to blog because, well, I feel so overwhelmed, and sad, and tired, and crazy.  ALOT crazy. and ALOT tired.  And I could complain until I'm blue in the face, but who likes THAT person? HAHA, Am I that person?  Oh, Gosh, I think I am.  I better watch myself, its a slippery slope, my friends.

So, down time for me has not been an option.  Yes I could have made time for it, but that's when the sadness and the like, kick in and I got no more room for that.  So Last night I set myself a couple small goals.  Nothing huge, but something attainable.  And bottom line?  Something that could make me feel good.  Maybe even better.

Then through the night, Grace was up several times, and the last time she just came into bed with us.  But couldn't get comfortable.  Have you ever let a big dog try to sleep with you in your bed?  Have you ever noticed they can't seem to get comfortable?  They flip and they flop, they sigh and they groan.  Then they want up and out?  Well, that was my Gracie this morning.  At 5 or so.  Yes, our day started at 6 in the morning, thanks for asking!

Now, quite usually I would of let my day go down the drain.  Sleep when she sleeps, watch cartoons with her and so on.  But, I"M SO TIRED OF FEELING TIRED.  And not just physically- mentally.  So, I got Grace and I cleaned up for the day.  This included her staying in the bathroom with me while I tried to shower.  Haha, She was into everything, toilet brush not exempt.  But, there are worse problems.  And we were able to be out of the house by ten for a few groceries.  Not bad, not bad at all(for us).

So, one of my goals today was to make a simple meal for a couple in our congregation that has had a rough go of it, especially lately.  These people, are people we love.  When there gone you miss them, and when you see them you smile.  So I picked a meal that I am comfortable making and did it. I actually did it.

Now, I would hate for you to think I'm bragging.  I'm not.  Truth be told, I should of done this long ago.  I didn't, but I did now.  And I would hate for you to think I do this kind of thing all the time.  I don't.  I probably should be, lord knows there's people that could use a some help.

And as long as we're telling the truth, I think I did it more for me, than anybody.  I needed to feel good, even if it only gets me through the next hour.  Every little bit counts.  Especially to me.  Especially right now.

Anyhow, my dear friends, If your feeling a little down and its been for far too long, switch the focus to something or someone else.  It'll help.  And even if it doesn't, your helping in the Grander scheme of things. Someone needs to know there being thought of, or looked after, or missed.

Do good and don't worry to whom

-Mexican proverb