Those last 10 years...

If you can believe it, and I barely can, This year is my 10 year Graduation reunion.  And although I will not be attending, I'm left surprised that 10 years can fly by.  Do you know how many memories, good or bad, you can have in 10 years?  Do you realize how much can change?  How much you can change? 

Pic on the left, is me about a month ago, the right, the year I graded.

The person I was in High School, is long gone.  But that last year of school is still pretty fresh in my mind.  I can remember, vividly, knowing that my life was going to change in the biggest way.  Now, I never thought of myself as a fan of school, but looking back, it was my comfort zone, and I wanted to cling to that for as long as I possibly could.

Our high school had the tradition to play, through out the schools sound system, "schools out forever".  As a student of SRHS, you waited for that day, or moment.  You deserved it.  You worked for it.  It was a good 3 minutes. haha.  But when that song was over, essentially, so was our high school career.  Everything we had ever known, was done. 

Can you find me?

If you know me at all, you know that I am not a friend of a schedule.  They make me nervous.  So getting up every morning, trying not to miss the bus, be late for a class, REMEMBER my locker combination, well, it haunts my dreams to this day.  I'm not kidding.  At least once a month I dream I've missed the bus, forgot a combination- or whatever.  Does anyone know at what age that stops?  Maybe it should have stopped by now... Hmmm.

But to be done with school seemed so... cut and dry.  Too final.  I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I didn't know what I wanted for lunch, never mind make a choice on a career.  Granted I had let myself get wrapped in other things and never stopped to think about what came next. I thought I'd marry my first love.  Yikes.  So when high school ended, everything I thought I wanted- changed. 

I'm pretty happy with what 10 years has brought me.  But if I close my eyes long enough, sit still long enough, I can remember EXACTLY what I felt like back then. I miss having my days looked after.  And my biggest concern was what I'd wear the next day. 

I have no idea what my high school friends would remember me by.  I guess my red hair, Like it or not, that's what everyone remembers me by.  But I kinda like the idea of being remembered-- er, in a good way...

I regret fully those bright lips, but what can you do?

amoung the very young

I have been thinking alot about numbers lately.  Seem like everyday we get a bit closer to something, whether you like it or not.  We have a 3 year old baby, In a 7 years marriage.  This summer I'll have been kicking around for 28 years.  My parents will have been married 35 Years.  I have a 30 year old sister.  30!  It was only yesterday I was 14, wishing to be on my own.  And NO i will try not to get into my pattern of talking about the good old innocence of youth days, but i think I need a minute to absorb the fact that I grew up faster than I planned on.

In so many ways, I'm happy to be exactly where I'm at in life.  But sometimes the numbers don't match the thoughts in my head.  I think it helps that Geoff and I have a few friends that are a few years younger than us.  It also helps that their shadows darken our doorway a few times a week.  They keep us in a loop and I think I kinda love that.

I can quite easily go on in my day to day and not think once about my age.  I just do the things I need to to do for now and I don't think a number has anything to do with that.  Until of course it does...

I think there is a fine line between acting your age and looking at life with a sense of humor.  I think I struggle figuring out how to be a good example for my baby but still being able to laugh at the totally ridiculous.  It helps that I have some of the most funny people in my life.  But at 28 years old, I still haven't got if figured out yet. 

I have this huge fear that I will look in the mirror one day and see a 40 year old trying to look 20.  Or maybe even worse a 40 year old look like 60 year old.  Oi.  I already might, but not from lack of trying.  Haha.

But I don't think I have to dread being older.  I had fun being little and I had my time to be a teen and carefree(well sorta) I had the newly wed years.  Its all been pretty ok.  I don't have a ton of reasons to dread being older.  But I do have a couple of good reasons to look forward....