Runnin' low on happy

Its been an awful 2 weeks or so, for my little family.  Not huge awful, normal sized awful.  Awful nonetheless.  In case some of you haven't heard, Grace was in Stollery Children's hospital 2 evenings in a row.  Not anything too serious, just a fever that would not break.  She had us really worried the first day because she couldn't find energy to move, I carried everywhere she needed to be around the house.  I had originally booked her in to see my doctor, but my doctor said to go to stollery. 

That night, she had a tube up her nose and "around a corner" as her nurse said.  I cried, in case you thought I wouldn't, you were wrong.  She had to have a catheter to test her pee.  The wrapped her arms behind her back and had another blanket wrapped around her, with a nurse holding this in place, and another nurse doing the job itself.  Geoff and  I were both near her face trying to console her, but she just looked at us and screamed.  That time I tried not to cry for her sake, lets not panic the already panicking baby.

As well they x-rayed her chest.  If you have never seen how they x-ray a baby her age, you don't wanna.  Or if your slightly "off" you might think its funny.  That night I wanted to cry, until I seen how much she didn't mind it, than  I wanted to laugh.  Clearly, I'm a little off.  That night, I really was.  Anyhow, They sit your baby on what looks like a bike seat, and hold her arms above her head.  Then plastic walls come on each side of her body and they hold them in place with a leather strap.  They say there are other ones out there that look worse.  Ah, no thanks.  She did that test like a pro, no fussing, no nothing.

After all results were back we got sent home with, basically, a really sick baby and that's all.  The next day we took her back because she was dehydrated and started to throw up.  That night they asked us, no forced us, to leave when they inserted the IV.  They said we could say, but the baby would do worse with us there, and they said for sure I'd have to leave, because I was already sobbing.  We could still hear her screaming from around a corner. AGH.  Lets top it off with, the last I saw her she was on her Knees, looking at me screaming "MOMMY".  I can barely breath just talking about it now.  My heart goes out to any mom who has to endure far worse things than this.

Then.. oh yes there is more, She had a specialist appointment yesterday.  She has had a lump under her eye for almost 2 months now.  So they booked us in with the specialist.  Well basically, Its just a blocked duct or oil thing... that's not the exact wording, no, but bare with me.  They said since shes at the age shes at they will have to put her under to fix it.  NOW... This is just a simple small procedure, so don't worry.. BECAUSE, I'm worried enough for everyone.  The fact that she has to be put under, scares me.  I mean I'm Glad she wont remember, BUT..In a perfect world..

Well this is far from a perfect world.  As a parent, this isn't really a world I'm ready to let my baby grow up in.  So her surgery is April 25,  and Yes I will let you know how it goes.  The month after that we are going back in to check more into her heart murmur.  I will let you know that one as well. 

I'm sorry if this is so not a happy Friday post.  I feel like, lately, I'm runny low on happy.  I'm just a grumpy tired mom.  I maybe shouldn't post at all, but as I've said, this is a therapy. Maybe if I let it out here, my family won't get the COMPLETE wrath of tired grumpy Katie.  Oi...Maybe they will.



Anyhow, Thanks for listening.  Tonight I go to work.  I don't know if you know, but I work with a special needs guy, 22 years old.  Lately, he loves me.  Maybe that's what I need.  And He can really put things into perspective for me, and In a hurry too.  So maybe that's what I need today.  Maybe it will make my tomorrow better..