When you lose something you cant replace

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Today I woke up not feeling too fantastic.  I wish I could say otherwise, seeing as I have an adorable baby who chose to sleep in till 930.  I think it was caused from a tossy-turny kinda night.  No real reason for it either, I should add.  Although, Geoff is in school and therefore not working. And seeing as he was self employed for a little over a year, he doesn't qualify for EI.  But truthfully, I don't think I feel too worked up about it.  Which is strange because normally that would have me running for the covers.

Most of you know this about me already, But for those who don't, I suffer with migraines.  Horrible Horrible Migraines.  They started for me about 8 or 9 years ago.  I knew they weren't a typical headache when I could stand up right at work, and from then on they had gotten worse.  And yes, I have tried almost everything, the things that are fairly affordable anyhow.

Lets see, at first, I would just take a couple Advil migraine, which quickly progressed into--7 Advil migraine.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but so was the pain.  Then one day, shortly after I was married, I asked Geoff to take me to emergency because, well, I was pretty sure I was dying, and if I wasn't, I wanted to.

I eventually was prescribed migraine pain killers.  Which really did the trick- most of the time.  I had to really bad set backs that ended up with me in emergency.  One of the times Geoff came home from work and I was crawling from the bathroom to the bedroom and had vomit down the front of my pj's.  So he drug me to emerg, where they bumped me(thankfully) to the top of the list and immediately put me in my own room and hooked me up to IV's.  The second time, we headed to the hospital and same story-- only this time I was put on morphine.  Side note, Hate morphine, pretty sure my heart was gonna beat outta my chest, eek) 

So those 2 incidents and an 18 day migraine, I sat in my Dr.s office and asked her to fix me--or do SOMETHING.  A few weeks later, I was headed to see a neurologist.  3 medication changes later, i became pregnant and gave up on that neurologist.  For the first little while after my pregnancy I never had a migraine, but slowly and surely they have came back. Grrr.

I am on a medicine that I take when I feel the migraine coming on.  I know acupuncture can help some of my migraines.  Hot HOT baths take my mind off the pain, even if just for a few minutes.  And wearing sunglasses as much as possible goes a long way.

I do realize that this comes out sounding quite like a sob story.  But todayI feel a little done in.  Migraines have completely changed my life.  For awhile they controlled my life.  I do try not to let it be that way anymore.  But they took alot away from me.  If i don't get enough sleep, I can get a migraine, too much sleep, migraine, red wine, migraine, turn my head a certain way, migraine, and the list goes on.   

So waking up feeling yuck today, has me a bit uneasy.  A simple trip to Costco has me anxious. But I do think I have came along way, and there are still some things I want to try.  And i really don't need you to feel bad for me, most days I feel bad enough for the both of us, haha.  But some days its hard to be upbeat, in this world lots of days can be like that, right?  I am going to lay down and dream of sandy beaches and palm trees, or the music at Disney, or maybe both.  The way I look at, we all have our mountains right?  The trick is, learning how to navigate, I guess. 

How are you doing today?  Do you need to vent?  Unload?  Remember, Its ok once and awhile, but its also ok to run for the covers!